Our world is changing faster than ever. Disastrous weather, home mortgage crises and a plunging stock market have brought increasing instability to our homes. Pregnant and postpartum new mothers who are already dealing with massive fluctuations in hormones and brain chemistry are among the most at-risk during difficult times. The external world conflicts with their strong internal drive to create a safe “nest” for their babies.
Creating a stable home environment may be the “impossible dream” during rapidly changing world events. Parents may find themselves overwhelmed and underprepared, wanting to do right by their families but struggling to find the resources to do so. Babies and young children are acutely sensitive to the stress level in parents. Helping mothers and fathers find some mental and physical relief can provide a more secure, calming environment for the developing minds and bodies of their children. Here’s what to do:
1. Focus on one small step at a time. When disaster strikes, it is all too easy to spiral down into an unmanageable sense of doom. There may be a long list of problems to deal with, but you need to focus on the present. Are you and your baby or child safe for this day? If so, allow yourself to feel grateful, if only for the briefest moment. If you are not, ask yoursef what needs to happen to get you and your family into a safe space. Then, follow through.
2. Encourage Honesty. You may feel sad, mad, glad, scared, or some confusing combination of these. You don’t have to make sense of any of it right now. Whatever you feel is O.K. Supressing your emotions for any length of time can be hazardous to your health. Acknowledging whatever you feel from the inside out can free up vital life energy to allow you to move forward.
3. Make a Connection. You may not know it yet, but you are in good company. Reaching out to others and sharing your story can bring healing and comfort. Sometimes this is possible face to face, but other options are available. Consider connecting with an online support group. Knowing that just a single person or small group cares about you, even if they are long distance, can provide strength for you to carry on.
4. Find Small Ways to Nurture Yourself. It is truly possible to find beauty in some of the most difficult environments. To get there, you need to find out what you love with each of your senses. Ask yourself what you love to hear, what you love to taste, what you love to feel, what you love to see, and what you love to smell. Sure, expensive treats are nice, but you might be surprised to realize there are simple ways to nourish yourself daily. Pay attention to what brings you pleasure, and allow a few minutes a day to really notice those things. It could be the taste, sight and smell of a beloved food, the soft skin and sweet scent of your child, the sight of a sunrise or the soothing warmth of a long-awaited shower. Choose at least one thing each day to focus on for each of your senses to sustain your well being.
5. Attend to the Basics. You need to eat, sleep, breathe and drink water every day. Remembering these small, simple steps will increase your your health and vitality when you need it the most.
6. Ask for Help. You do not need to prove your competence by trying to do everything alone. People may not realize you need help unless you let them know. Don’t let pride or shame get in the way. Whether you need help with housing, food, finding information, a safe person to talk to, a little time for yourself away from your baby or some extra sleep, give yourself permission to ask. Asking doesn’t guarantee you will receive the help you need, but it will dramatically increase your chances.
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