a healthy relationship

What Can I Do To Save My Marriage?

Love is wonderful, and our commitment to love is expressed through marriage. We celebrate and profess vows. We make promises to one another to stay by each others side in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. These beautiful vows are made with perfect intentions. No matter what comes our way, we will be together ’til death do us part’. Reality may not be what we hoped for; you may end up asking ‘what can I do to save my marriage’?

A marriage can be saved, even completely transformed from a sad, or even depressing, situation to a life long love affair with your spouse. Even in the most difficult situations, such as adultery, marriages can be saved. Trust in hope, and know that you are not alone. Saving your marriage requires that you clearly understand what you should and should not do in the reconciliation process. Your desire to change your marriage for the better led you to this article in the first place.

First, here are the phases the relationship lifecycle. There are six stages:

1. Romance and infatuation

2. After the honeymoon

3. Staking your territories

4. Evaluation

5. Reconnection

6. Commitment

You are likely in stage 4 right now, and you may be asking yourself why you married your spouse in the first place. Would married life would be easier with somebody else. This is a challenging time since you realize your dream is over. The romantic feelings and passionate love from the honeymoon stage have vanished. While this is normal, it is still emotionally painful. Intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, can seem a distant memory and one or both of you may even contemplate an affair. Resist such a temptation. Think of the vows you professed and then learn the skills to help you reconnect with your spouse. This stage can be a struggle, but is also has the greatest reward. Ensure you are well equipped for this process with the appropriate skills, so your marriage does not end up as another marriage statistic.

Typical difficulties are: what if my spouse does not want to save the marriage, can I get past the hurt, what can we do build trust in each other again. Caution is recommended here. If you are the one who needs forgiveness, begging for forgiveness or promising to change may get a response opposite to what you want. Picture yourself in their shoes. What if you are the one who needs to forgive? Can you forgive them? Under what conditions? These are not easy questions and you need to clarify your feelings and have a plan to work through this stage. Seeking a quick fix at this point instead of addressing core issues is the biggest mistake most couples make. Most marriage problems develop over time and it takes time to solve them. By equipping yourself properly, you will make it to the reconnection stage, and you will not be wondering ‘is there any way to save my marriage’.

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